For The Birds

Another major difference between Nowhereville and Treasure Island is the variety of Avian Life Forms (and yes you are reading it correctly – I did not misspell the word Alien).

On Treasure Island we had a large number of water fowl. Years ago I had categorize the Island birds into three major groups; Free Birds aka Beggar Birds, Snow Birds (the non-human type) and Thieving Birds.

The most prevalent Island bird is the Sea Gull. A friend of mine calls them “rats with wings”. The Gull actually falls into two of the aforementioned categories; Free and Thieving. So do Pelicans. Although the Pelican will fish for his dinner if all else fails. Herons and Egrets will also fish, but if a hand out is available they will sit there and beg.

In fact, one older Blue Heron would actually tap its beak on one of my neighbor’s doors. The neighbor would then feed the bird, which ate directly from her hand. Visiting friends who had seen this event were amazed.

The largest group of Snow Birds is the Monk Parrots. They come down (from the Carolinas and Georgia) in October on their way to the Keys and return back in late spring. Next to the Gull these are the noisiest birds that I have heard. And like the Gull they enjoy taking a dump on any newly wash vehicle. I didn’t wash my car for more than three years and never found any bird shit on it. My one neighbor would wash his SUV once at least once a week, but no matter where he was parked, it would be covered with bird droppings by the end of the day.


Here in Nowhereville, I rarely see a gull, as we are 8 miles inland.

While sitting on the Pool Deck I have a good observation point for the back yard. I’ve have seen Robins, Blue Jays, Woodpeckers, Crows, Cardinals, Finches, Mockingbirds and even a Hawk. Most of these birds eat insects, which is good because there are plenty insects here for them to eat. Except for ants and Palmetto Bugs, it’s was slim pickings for the birds on the beach.

Two of the Mocking Birds that frequent my daughter’s yard have interesting calls. One imitates a small dog barking and the other sounds like a telephone ringing. The telephone bird drives me to my wits end. I often get up to answer the phone when it isn’t even ringing.

To top all this off, my daughter’s next door neighbor raises exotic birds. They have some of the strangest bird calls that I have ever encountered. I have never seen these birds so I have named them by their calls.

The first and most aggravating bird is what I call the “Rusty Gate” bird. This bird’s call is shrill and sounds like an old gate opening and closing. This may go on for hours in the morning. It’s almost as bad as hearing fingernails scratching on a blackboard.

I’ve named the second bird the “Smoke Detector” bird. This bird’s call sound like a high pitch beep. Similar to the sound that a Smoke Detector makes when it’s battery needs replacing. This happens for about 2 hours every morning unusually about a minute apart.

Then there is the “Mars Attacks” bird. This bird makes me laugh because each time that I hear it, I think of the Tim Burton movie of the same name. Its call sounds like the Martians in that movie; Aak, Aak Aak, Aak Aak Aak. This bird will usually continue until mid afternoon.

I don’t miss the Gulls or the Parrots, but some these bird calls are much worst.

The Beach Bum