Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Grunts and Groans - Aches and Pains

When my Dad was in his late sixties he began to make strange noises. Each noise was associated with a certain movement that he made or a task that he preformed. The first one that I noticed him making was a groaning sound as he got up out of his chair.

I asked him if there was something wrong and he looked at me as if I were crazy. I didn’t probe any deeper.

Over the course of the next 5 or 6 years there were more and more noises. There was the tying of the shoe noise, the walking up and down the stairs noise, the bending down to pick up something that had fallen on the floor noise and (my favorite) the opening of the door noise. He even had a noise for opening the refrigerator. Not to mention the noises that he made in the Bathroom.

The noises became even louder with each passing year. Afraid to ask him, I asked my Mom if he was in constant pain. She told me no. And that if he had pain he would go to the Doctor. She said that these noises, that he was making, were his way of relieving his aches. She also said that he didn’t realize that he was grunting and groaning.

After a while I could tell you exactly what he was doing, even if I was blindfolded, from the sounds that he was making.

Back then I was in my mid forties. The only time I vocalized my movements was when I experienced pleasure or relief. My noises basically consisted of Oous, Aahs and Oows. When I drank my first beer of the day, I would make the aah sound. Five or six beers later when I had to go and relieve myself, I would make the oow sound. The best sound was the oou sound, which I reserve for when I had an orgasm. There were a lot of aahs and oows, but never enough oous.

By the time I reach 60 years old, I had added several other noises to my vocabulary. And with each successive year I’ve been adding more and more. Most times, unless it has been brought to my attention by my daughter, I do not realize that I am grunting and groaning. It just comes natural.

I’m turning into my Dad. But it could be worse; when I stop grunting and groaning, I’ll be in an urn.

The Beach Bum

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9 Comments:

Blogger alfredo_tomato said...

Arthritis will make you grunt and groan. I remember at the end of the work day at the post office, after my ride home, I could barely walk after getting out of the car.

Your mom is right the grunting and groaning does seem to ease the pain. Never apologize for those grunts and groans. You earned them.

Have you ever been checked out for arthritis, or like in my case, degenerative disc disease? You did have a job that had you standing all day. That's not the best thing for your spine. You probably had to do a lot of repetitive movements too.

Smoking is associated with bone loss. Booze is another factor, but a man needs a hobby.

I turn 64 the 25th. That entitles me to three new grunts, a specialty throat clearing, and a new disgusting body odor.

Thu Feb 19, 10:44:00 PM  
Anonymous Richard Feder, Ft. Lee said...

This is one of your best tales. It has drama, humour, and last, but not least, pathos.

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