Being Monkish

Two years ago a female customer told me that I was Monkish. I didn’t understand her comment or this term. Although I’m not far from being celibate (not by choice), I am never silent. I have much to say and offer my opinions often, sometimes without provocation. I’ve been called outspoken by more that a few people.

Later I asked the lady why she thought that I was like a Monk. She then explained to me what being Monkish was all about.

Monkish is being like the character, Adrian Monk, in the USA Network television series Monk. I had never seen this program, so I asked her to give me a detailed explanation. She told me that the character Monk was anal retentive and had obsessive-compulsive disorder. I don’t have either of these problems, so I asked her why she saw these qualities in my actions.

She said that as soon as I came on duty, behind the bar, I would start rearranging glasses and other things and checking the bottles to see if they were in the correct place. She said she had seen me do this hundreds of times over the course of the years that I had worked there. My answer was that it was essential to have things in their proper place to give good service to the customer.

Later that night I asked a fellow bartender, a young female, if she had seen these Monkish qualities in my actions behind the bar. She said “Dude you’re the most Anal person that I know.” After work I invited her to my home for a few after work cocktails, and she accepted. After 5 minutes in my house she recanted her earlier statement. She saw the newspapers strewn across the floor, the extremely messy computer desk, the dining room table littered with mail and fliers and the sink full of dirty dishes and glasses. After seeing all of this she reformed her opinion about me being Anal. After a few drinks we had gratuitous sex. She wasn’t that good in bed, so I never invited her back. But I really think that she would not have come back to what she called a “total mess” anyway. The bedroom was clean as it is rarely used except for sleeping purposes.

Since then, I have become a big Tony Shalhoub (Mr. Monk) fan. Monk is very well written and the plots are usually intriguing. I do have a lot of his phobias, but I am neither Anal nor obsessive-compulsive.

The USA Network is airing a Monk Marathon on New Years Day. I’ll be watching this instead of the College Football Bowl games.

The Beach Bum