The Christmas Party

A few nights ago I attended a Christmas party, something that I am not too fond of doing. It was the Christmas party at my former place of employment. I hadn’t planned on attending until a former co-worked called and said that my former boss said I better get my butt to the party.

My former boss also happens to be a close personal friend of mine, my youngest daughter even calls him Papa, but she calls me Dad. He well knows that I don’t enjoy attending these functions, but when I worked at his restaurant it was obligatory for employees to attend.

The main reasons that I don’t like these functions are: 1) The Free Birds – these are the people that only come to the bar/restaurant when they can get away with spending as little money as possible. They’ll except drinks from others, but will never return the courtesy. Free Birds are cheap people and I don’t like cheap people and 2) I usually make an ass of myself at these parties.

As usual, I did it again this year. My latest Faux Pas was attempting to entice a woman (a cocktail waitress from the bar) 31 years younger than me into the sack. The party was winding down and she suggested to me that we go to another local Treasure Island Bar and play a game of Pool. She drove, as I do not drive when consuming alcoholic beverages.

We shot two games of Pool; I realized that I’m not as good as I was 25 years ago. But I still play a decent game when I am semi-sober. After winning both we went back to the bar and I tried to put my best moves to work. I was looking to get laid.

We did a shooter and 5 minutes later her head was on the bar with her eyes closed – no stamina! It took me 10 minutes to revive her. I put her in a cab and walked ¾ miles home. I hadn’t even gotten to first base.

The Beach Bum