Resolutions

For years I have made New Years resolutions. It is a habit that was passed down to me from my parents. Until 5 years ago I usually broke every resolution that I had made before early March. I had made promises to myself that I knew that I could not keep.

They say that with age comes sagacity. This is definitely true concerning me and my New Year’s Day resolutions. Subsequently, I’ve lowered my standards and therefore I do fulfilled what I have resolved to do for the following year, on New Year’s Day.

Making resolutions on New Year’s Day is a tradition, albeit a stupid tradition. But as Forrest Gump once said “Stupid is as stupid does”. So I got to thinking, which is dangerous, why not attempt to make resolutions that I could keep rather than the ones that I had no shot in hell of keeping.

Shakespeare’s Hamlet said to Laertes “This above all: to thine own self be true”. For years I made resolutions on New Years Day that I had no intention of keeping. I wasn't being true to myself.

That being said, here are my resolutions (in descending order of importance) for 2007:

I Resolve

5) Not to watch any daytime television talk shows; Dr. Phil, Oprah, Rosie the Dike etc.
4) Not to attempt to transform myself into a kind caring person.
3) Not to lust after women that are older than me.
2) Not to masturbate more than 3 times each day.

And first and foremost

1) Not to believe everything that I read in then newspapers, on the internet or hear on the cable news networks.

I will keep true to my resolutions again this year; I’ve made it easy for me to do so, as I have done during the past five years. The lesson to be learned here is, that you shouldn’t make resolutions that you don’t intend to keep.

The Beach Bum