My Evil, Evil Ways

During the past 9 days I have started to write 5 different Blogs. They sit here in a folder waiting to be completed along with 8 others from the past 6 months.

It’s not because I do not have the time or inspiration to complete them; but for the reason that I have become easily distracted lately.

I’ll begin to write and then get an hour long telephone call from a friend or sometimes the pain that I suffer within my body becomes too intense for me to bear.

Talking to my friends and family is very important to me because I have no social life where I am now living. I’ll receive two or three calls a week and make another three to four calls. The average length of these calls is usually over an hour long.

One of my shortest recent calls was from my friend Lurch, who lives in the hoity-toity Brentwood area of Los Angeles. He called to get my address (which he already had, but couldn’t find) and we were on the phone for about 30 minutes. Lurch is really a character and a half; in California they call him Dr. Demento.

As for the pain and suffering; most of it has been self inflicted over the course of the past 50 years. What were just aches 20 years ago, have now become major pains. I never took care of myself when I was younger; feeling that I was indestructible.

I don’t take prescription medicines; although they have prescribed them for me at the VA. The Doctors there plan to do a major psych evaluation on me because I refuse to take pain killers; to ease my pain. I refuse to go back there because I feel they are going to lock me up and throw away the key. Of course, they say, that it would be for my own well being.

I medicate with natural supplements, alcohol (a natural pain killer) and nicotine. The Doctors (and some of my friends) think that I am crazy for this course of action. But then again, back in the spring of 2004, the Doctors gave me 2 to 3 years to live if I continued my evil, evil ways. I, of course, ignored them. I, like Dr. Demento, enjoy doing evil things. And five years later I am still amongst the living.

I’ll catch up on my Blogging soon.

The Beach Bum

Blogs Of Note

Today I spent about 3 hours, earlier today reading other Blogs; over an hour on one in particular.

When you use Google’s Blogspot to blog they give you what they call a Bloggers’ Dashboard. This is where you go to post and/or edit your Blogs. There are also other features (tabs) such as Blogs I’m Following (I follow 3) which tells you when one of your favorite Bloggers has just posted a new Blog. Blogger Buzz which gives you tips on how to improve the physical appearance of you Blog (I never go there, what I don’t know about improving my Blog won’t hurt me). Then there is the last tab that says Blogs of Note.

Seemingly the staff at Blogspot has nothing better to do all day but to visit Blogs – there are millions of them on Blogspot alone. How they make their decision on what they choose to be a Blog of Note has always amazed me. I guess that if I was a younger person, I would understand their reasoning.

About once every month or so I will check out the most resent Blogs of Note. I usually leave disappointed at the staff's selections!

The staff tends to select Blogs filled with photos of mainly Flora and Fauna. They are very good photo’s, but usually there is no writing of any sustenance. The pictures of the Flora usually make me sneeze just thinking about the pollen that they are putting out. Pretty pictures!

I like dogs, but not show dogs. Looking at a well groomed Poodle makes me want to vomit! The comments below the picture are usually inane. “Here’s Spot – See Spot pose for the Camera!”

Then there are the Bloggers that post pictures of birds. Birds can be pretty to look at, but if you have to live with them in your back yard – they suddenly lose their beauty. Their beaks should be duct tapped together until sundown.

Today I got a breath of fresh air. The Blog of Note for June 8th was Roz Savage, Ocean Rower . I had read about her several years ago when she single-handedly rowed across the Atlantic Ocean. She is now rowing in the Pacific Ocean. And she writes of her voyages very well.

She’s a Greenik, but I don’t hold that against her, as I am getting more and more Green with every passing year. Soon my friends and family will be calling me Kermit.

I have placed a link to her Blog on the right sidebar, it’s well worth reading.

The Beach Bum

I'll Be Back

I’ve finally come to a decision about continuing or not continuing to write the Beach Bum Report.

First let me say that my little experiment in human nature hasn’t gone that well. I have gotten email responses from some of my friends saying that they don’t know 10 people other than our mutual friends (who already read the Blog on a semi regular basis). This is disheartening. And it is indeed a sad commentary.

I have more than 50 names in my new OE address book (created last October); 35 are what I consider to be close friends and 8 are relatives. Granted, I don’t write to them as often as I should. Unless they send me a personal – not forwarded or group – email, I don’t answer unless I have something to say on the topic; which has now become a rarity. I get 50 to 100 emails each day, and I read all of them no matter how inane they may be.

Add to this the fact that I do not type well (I use three fingers and one thumb and have been clocked at the lightning speed of 28 WPM). My mind is usually moving faster than my fingers (and thumb), therefore there is much use of the Backspace key. Plus, as most people that read my Blog know, I tend to be a bit loquacious. It will take me up to 30 minutes to answer a simple email and more than an hour to write a Blog.

That being said I have decided to continue writing the Beach Bum Report. But neither because of the increased traffic (and comments to my Blog) that I have received during the past four days, nor because of the emails that I have received from friends imploring me to continue to write.

But the real reason I decided to carry on is that a fellow Blogger, the Curmudgeon of the Second Effort Blog, took some of his (he’s a Chicago Attorney) valuable time to write about my Blog last Wednesday. As usual, his Blog was very well written. He also wrote a second blog that day titled “Strange Requirements at the Soulless Megabank”.

The Curmudgeon writes about his family and the world around him. He blends humor (sometimes sarcastic), pathos and rationality into his Blogs. At times his Blogs make me laugh and at other times they make me cry. That is a sign of a great writer, and I believe the Curmudgeon is great writer. He’s far better than I will ever be.

The Beach Bum

Exponential Growth - Fishing for Readers

Years ago there was a television commercial (I believe it was for a hair care product) that stated that if you told two people and they told two people and they told two people etc. Shortly the screen was filled with 32 beautiful young women (Models), all with gorgeous hair. Just the thought of that commercial makes me horny.

This is basically the theory of Exponential Growth. The opposite theory is called Exponential Decay. It is taught in an abysmal course of mathematical science called Statistics. At one point in my life I knew the mathematical formula for Exponential Growth, but have long forgotten it. As well I should have.

However I do believe in theory, but with some addendum's, if it is applied to human behavior vurses bacterial behavior (both theorems work when applied to Bacteria, but not to Humans).

But bacteria isn’t cognizant and to some extent humans are – some less than others; which explains why our correctional institutions are busting at the seams.

The 2X2X2X2 theory doesn’t allow for Diminishing Returns. Diminishing Returns is a theory advocated by the British Economist Malthus in the late 1700’s. Nearly two hundred years later, in the 20th Century, The Club of Rome expounded on his theory in a treatise named “Limits to Growth”. Although I do not totally agree with the way Malthus or The Club of Rome applied the theory; it still has some validation when applied to human nature.

For instance, if I email 10 people and ask them to visited my Blog and in turn ask them to invite 10 people who are not in the CC: list of that email to visit my Blog. Then have these 10 people to ask another 10 people to visit my Blog – this equals 1000 potential visitors. Fat chance! Why? Because only 8 of them (at the most) will follow through; Diminishing Returns. And of the possible eight that do, only 6 of their friends will follow through; again diminishing returns. And so on and so on and scooby dooby dooby (my apologies to Sly Stewart).

So here is my proposition to test these theories; let’s call it a test of behavioral science.

To all my 18 semi-regular readers (I had forgotten about Steve from Oregon when I had said that I had only 17 semi-regular readers in a past Blog). You should send the following email to 10 friends and ask them to past it on to 10 of their friends not in the To: or CC:. Who in turn should send it to 10 others on their email lists.

You can copy and paste the following (I will assume that everyone knows how to do this):

I read a Blog titled The Beach Bum Report (http://thebeachbumreport.blogspot.com/) on a semi-regular basis. It’s not a great Blog, but at times it has its moments. I thought that you may find it an interesting read. Read his Blogs and leave a comment (positive or negative) on any of his Blogs. And then pass this message on to ten people not on the To: or CC: list in this email.



This is an experiment in human nature.

Thank you for your (my semi-regular readers) support!

The Beach Bum

To Blog or Not to Blog

My sincerest apologies go out to my 17 semi-regular readers (most of you are either friends or family). Two have sent me emails and one has called me; all three asking me why I haven’t written a Blog since December 9th.

I could answer them by saying it was due to health problems. Both physically and mentally I have been dealing with pain and anguish during the past 4 weeks. “‘Tis the season to be Jolly” is a bunch of horse manure. It seems that (every year) between Thanksgiving and the New Year every ailment that I have reaches its peak for the year. So this would not be an untruth.

Or I could answer them by saying that I have been spending the time that I would usually spend Blogging on the telephone. I get very nostalgic in December. I’ve logged in more hours of phone time in the past 30 days than I had during the prior 11 months. I called an old neighborhood friend who I hadn’t spoken to for over 40 years. I called others that I hadn’t spoken to for nearly 30 years. Two of the people that I attempted to contact had passed on, so I spoke to their wives at lenght. So this would not be an untruth.

Perhaps I could answer them by saying most of the things that I have been writing about lately heightens my state of depression. As much as I try to resist writing about the economy and the sorry state of affairs that our nation is in; I can’t. So this would not be an untruth.

Better yet, I could answer them by saying that I have been spending a lot of my time with a marvelous gift that I received 10 days before Christmas. I am now the proud owner of a DVD set of all 77 of the Amos and Andy Episodes that were originally broadcast in 1952 and 1953. I watch a few episodes every afternoon and I’m about half way through the collection. So this would not be an untruth.

But the real reason is that my Blog has a very limited following; with the exception of 4 semi-regular readers, I can call or email everyone who visits my Blog on a regular basis. I had greater aspirations when I began the Blog. I average 60 visitors per week, most coming from Google searches for Haulover Beach (I have written two Blogs on this subject).
I’m about to delete them so I don’t get the bogus visitors that spend less than 10 seconds on the Blog and leave after they do not see any pictures of naked people.

The people that are regular readers that I may or may not know:

1) Uses an IP from the Headquarters United States Army Information Systems Command
2) Uses an IP from the State of Maryland –Annapolis
3) Uses an IP from New Port Richey Florida

If I know you please leave a comment on this Blog. Even if I don’t, leave a comment.

The 4th is the Curmudgeon from the Second Effort Blog – He writes some great stuff! I visit his Blog often. A link to his blog is on the upper right sidebar.

If you are one of my semi-regular readers please leave a comment as to why I should continue Blogging. If you like my Blog please pass it on to your other friends. Maybe I get some more regular or semi-regular readers.


The Beach Bum

Check Them Out

I have added a few more blogs that I visit to the right sidebar. This is a long overdue change to my template, as I had planned to do this in January. If you haven’t noticed by now, I have a tendency to procrastinate.

The first blog added is Gledwood Vol.2. It is written by a heroin addict who lives in England. Besides the stories of the fighting of his addiction, he also writes on a variety of other topics that I find interesting. All in all this blog is a good read.

The second is Captain Picard’s Journal. You don’t really have to be a Star Trek (Next Generation) fan (I am), but it helps if you are. If just so to understand the characters mentioned in the Blog. It is a well written Blog that I enjoy reading at least once a week. The author of this Blog makes me feel as though I am actually reading Jean Luc Picard’s Journal.

The third is Skittles Place. For a year I avoided visiting this Blog because of its name. I don’t like candy unless it is dark chocolate. But constant references to the Blog by one of my favorite Bloggers (The Curmudgeon) enticed me to visit. My theory was that if he liked it, it had to be good. It’s full of Memes (if you don’t know what a meme is, Google the word).

Last, but not least, is Len & Bob’s Baseball Blog. This blog is written by WGN Cubs announcers Len Kasper and Bob Brenley. It’s a must read for all Cubs fans.

I will be adding more to the list in the near future as I try to visit at least 2 or 3 new Blogs per week.


The Beach Bum

One Small Step for Man

I have reached my first milestone in the Blogosphere; my 200th Blog. This should and would have been written in September, but I took an unintentional 4 month blogging sabbatical beginning in mid July.

I expended a few hours yesterday reading my old Blogs. I will freely admit that some (less than 20%) of them were not that good or interesting. And yes, there were grammatical and punctuation errors. However, I made no changes to them. I left them in their original state as a reminder that I am not a perfectionist.

There were 239 comments (11 by me) posted to these 200 Blogs. Some were just inane remarks, but others were very poignant and relevant to the topic of the Blog. I have resolved to post my own comments to these good comments on a regular basis.

Last July, I was averaging 130 readers per week. I now average 85 per week, but have a higher percentage of return readers. Albeit these readers are mostly my family and friends; I do have a few regulars that I cannot identify (especially the person from Japan).

Most of my Blogs come from life experiences and stories that I have been telling for years. I attempt to lace these stories with a touch of humor. Sometimes I succeed. Other Blogs come from my daily reading of the news. Although I try to stay away from political issues, sometimes I can’t help myself (Sugar Pie, Honey Bun).

Hopefully my next 200 Blogs will be more interesting.

Please continue to make comments, especially critical comments. And as Frank Gallo once said “Thank you for your support.”

The Beach Bum

Happy Anniversary Baby

Today is the first Anniversary of The Beach Bum Report’s first post. One of my friends, Richard Feder from Fort Lee, had been nagging me for more that a year to start blogging. He told me that I wrote well (questionable, at best) and that I had some good stories. In addition, I could make some pocket change by placing ads on the Blog. This sounded like a good idea.

I set up the account on Blogger in September 2006 but didn’t post my first blog until November 30 (6 month’s after my retirement). In December 2006 I was averaging 12 visitors per day. Before going on a four month leave of absence last July, I was averaging 28 visitors per day. Since I have returned to the Blogosphere on the11th of November it’s been 18 per day. Many of them read my Blog on a regular basis. This makes me happy.

However, I had thought that by now I would have a much larger readership. Therefore I am disappointed. I’m a firm believer in the two to the 10th power philosophy. This is, if 2 people tell 2 people who tell 2 people, ad infinitum (like a pyramid scheme). Allowing for diminishing returns, I should have about 1000 regular readers per week.

Now if only 10% of these 1000 regular weekly readers clicked on my ads (I currently have only one – Amazon.com, but plan to add more as soon as my readership increases), I’d be able to support my bad habits. I might even be able to afford one of those Hoochie-Coochie girls to clean out my pipes.

My plan for my second blogging year is to blog more often (only 175 blogs last year). As Mr. Feder sez, I have the time. I also plan to visit more blogs and add the interesting ones that I find to my blog roll. Three of the four that I currently link to are excellently written provocative blogs. Check them out on the right side bar.

The Beach Bum

He Says He's Alive

I have finally returned to the Blogosphere. No hissing or booing please.

A lot has happened since my last Blog on July 12th. After returning from my annual Chicago adventure, I prepared for my move from my apartment on Treasure Island to my daughter’s home in Nowheresville, Florida. I miss the Beach and the people that I knew while living there for more than nine years.

Nowheresville isn’t really that bad; it’s a nice place to live but I wouldn’t want to visit it unless I had family living here. There is basically nothing within walking distance. I had grown accustomed to walking everywhere on Treasure, Island. Most resort communities are set up that way for the tourist trade.

I had planned to return to Blogging by mid-September. I have been using my daughter’s computer for my email, but I couldn’t smoke inside the house. The designated smoking area is the Sun Porch. The Sun Porch is not air conditioned and we had an exceptionally hot September and October. On most days it was at least 85 degrees out there. I don’t really mind the heat but I think that my computer would not like it.

In the very near future I plan to Blog about my Chicago trip, my move and my observations about my new home. Then it will be back to my usual nonsensical Blogs.

As my cousin, the Admiral, said in an email to my friends; “George is alive or at least that is what he says.”

The Beach Bum

Thinking is Dangerous

I have spent most of the past day pondering. That is, contemplating what makes me the person that I am. I have been thinking about three subjects that I am really not too comfortable conversing about.

Number one is Religion! Number two is Politics! And number three is Bigotry!

My thoughts and feelings on these topics are too in-depth to write about in one Blog. Therefore I will address each issue in a separate Blog during the next week.

I am what I believe to be an honest person. I don’t cheat or steal. I will occasionally lie or omit pertinent data to protect a friend and for the reason of not harming their feelings. People that know me say “He’s a stand up guy”. Although I do not value other’s opinions of me, it is a pleasant feeling to know that others think that I am actually a “good person”. I’m not. I’m an insufferable bastard that is set in his ways.

I am an outspoken miserable old man. My next three Blogs will substantiate this statement. Like it or not, I am who I am.

The Beach Bum