Blowing Smoke Up My Ass

Here is another Blog that I had started to write but never finished. The file was last modified on March 20, 2009 at 2339 hours. It was a follow up to a Blog that I had written three weeks before titled Up in Smoke. I’ve revised and added to it.

Earlier that day (March 20th) I had called 1-800-Marlboro (the last o is superfluous, but most people dial it anyway). I had made several calls the day before to ascertain why the cost of cigarettes increased before the 62 cents per pack added Federal Tax due on April first.

Let me preface this by saying that I have smoked Philip Morris cigarettes for more than forty years. I started with regular Marlboros but switched to Merit 100’s (lower tar and nicotine) in the 1980’s and continued to smoke Merits until Marlboro Light 100’s became discounted ($6 less per carton) in 2001.

I have smoked as many as three and one half packs per day. But that was back in the days when they cost less than $20 per carton. Even at that price I had a $2500 per year habit. But I always rationalized that if I had been doing a drug besides nicotine, I would have been spending much more money. An addicts thinking is usually askew.

On the 18th I found out that my cigarettes (Marlboro Light 100’s) had gone up by five dollars per carton; nearly two weeks before the Federal tax increase. Why?

The next day I called the local Gas station (cheapest cigarettes in town) that had raised the price. The manager told me that their distributor had increased the cost to them by the same amount as they were charging me. I asked for the distributor’s telephone number and was accommodated.

Next I called the distributor and they told me that Philip Morris had increase the price, by the same amount of their increase to the retailers, on all of their products. At this point in time I am emotionally festering and I decide to call Philip Morris. Fortunately, for them, they kept me on hold for more than 10 minutes (over my limit of listening to bad music, a message that tells me that all of their representives are busy and listening to their commercials for their products), so I decided to call them back when I was in a more balanced frame of mind.

I approach telephone conversations with a company (business) in one of two directions. Usually I am a sweetheart with the milk of human kindness running through my veins. But then again, I can be a real SOB when I don’t get appropriate answers to my questions or if they give me the run around.

When I got through to Philip Morris the next day I spoke to a sweet young lady named Vanessa. I asked about the price increase prior to Tax increase. She suggested that I call my Congressmen to complain. She knew nothing (just a person who had stock answers to questions that might be asked).

Therefore I didn’t vent my frustrations and asked if she could connect me to her supervisor. She told me that I would have to hold and listen to more bad music. This didn’t deter me so I said OK.

Finally I got through to the “Supervisor”. Her voice reminded me of Rosa Klebb from the James Bond movie “From Russia with Love”. “Sir, how may I help you?” I could hear the daggers in her shoes through her voice. I decided to go on the offensive.

“Why did you raise your cigarettes by five dollars a carton in Florida?” Klebb sez “Because of the Federal Tax increase.” I sez “but today is March 20th and the increase doesn’t go into go into effect until April 1st.” She sez “The tax will be on the current (as of April first) inventories at the manufacturer and distributor’s level.” At this point I am getting irate. So I sez “So let me get this straight, you are raising the price of cigarettes before the tax takes effect so we can get used to the tax increase.” A long silence! Then I sez “Isn’t this profit taking to make up for the probably decrease in sales after April 1st. Another silence and then she sez “It’s not us, you should call your congressmen.”

I then told her that I had and that I had also sent an email to President Obama (I received an email response from one of his staff members) about the unjust Tax. She half-heartedly thanked me for my call and concern. I hung up and said to myself – bitch you have just lost a customer.

Last week on April 22nd I received a letter from Marlboro (Philip Morris):

Dear George
Thanks for taking the time to call us. It was great to hear from you. Please enjoy these coupons on the Marlboro cigarette of your choice. We really appreciate your loyalty.
Your friends at Marlboro

I had discontinued smoking Marlboros some weeks before – I’ll pass the coupons on to someone else.

The Beach Bum

Up In Smoke

The other day my daughter asked me what I was going to do when cigarettes go up on April first. I believe that she was hoping that I’d say that I was going to quit smoking.

The Federal Government has added an additional sixty-two cents per pack in taxes. Actually it will come to sixty-six cents after adding the Florida State Retail Sales Tax. This is one thing that I never really understood; how can a State Government tax a Federal tax? Some Counties and Municipal Governments also so do this; so you end up paying a tax on a tax on a tax.

The Government claims that they have raised the cigarette tax, partly to discourage young people from smoking. This is a good idea. I’ve been a smoker for more than forty years and I tell young people to stay away from cigarettes. Some of them call me a hypocrite because I continue to smoke. My retort is “Don’t end up like me.”

I’ve tried, several times, to quit and had actually gone nearly nine months smoke free. I’ve used the nicotine chewing gum (which burned my gums and tongue) and the patch and I still craved cigarettes. The doctors said that I have a psychological addition rather than a nicotine addiction. I think that I have both. But I have noticed that I crave cigarettes more when I do certain things.

Why did I start in the first place? When I was young, it was in the vogue to smoke. Several of the best radio and television programs (in the 50’s and 60’s) were sponsored by cigarette companies. Most of my favorite movie and television stars smoked; John Wayne, Humphrey Bogart, etc. Even the stars that didn’t smoke pretended to smoke in the movies. This made smoking a lot more attractive than just simple peer pressure telling me that it was cool to smoke.

Then, when I joined the Army, in the mid 1960’s, I was encouraged to smoke by the cadre (“Take 10 and light them up if you have them”). We also received a free four pack of cigarettes in every box of C or K rations. In the PX (Post Exchange) cigarettes cost 20 cents per pack or $1.80 per carton. They were even less expensive overseas where you could buy them (Tax and Duty Free) for $1.05 per carton in the PX and for under a dollar in the commissary.

As far as I know, the US Military is part of the Federal Government (DOD). Therefore the Federal Government promoted the smoking of cigarettes, even though studies existed that linked cigarette smoking to cancer and lung disease (there were even warning on the packs when I was stationed overseas). The Government encouraged me to smoke and now they are taxing me (more and more) for my mistake of listening to them.

In 1970, the following message began to appear on cigarette packs; Warning, The Surgeon General Has Determined that Cigarette Smoking is Dangerous to Your Health.
I was still buying cigarettes in the PX at Fort Meade for $2.75 per carton at this time.

In my opinion, any Federal Tax on cigarettes should not be paid by military veterans who continue to smoke.

Also, I recall President Obama’s campaign rhetoric saying that there would be no new taxes on the middle class. The majority of smokers are either in the middle class or close to the poverty level (Social Security or pension). Senior (62 and older) smokers should also get a tax exemption on any Federal Cigarette Tax (past, present and future).

If we are taxing cigarettes (at the Federal level) because they are hazardous to our health, why don’t we also tax Fast Food equally? Trans fat and Cholesterol are known producers of heart disease.

Now I’m not picking on McDonald’s, but here’s a link to wikipedia’s nutritional breakdown of the Big Mac. Add to this a large order of fries (how can anyone eat a Big Mac without French Fries) and the fat content will almost double.

If President Obama is going to tax the middle and lower income classes he should do it equally!

The Beach Bum

Warning Signs

There is a warning label on every beer that I drink. Although I do not read and heed them, I know that they are there. It is a generally agreed to fact that the consumption of alcoholic beverages in more than moderate quantities is not good for your physical well being.

The warning on the label of the beer that I am now consuming reads:

GOVERNMENT WARNING:
1)According to the Surgeon General women should not drink alcoholic beverages during pregnancy because of the risk of birth defects. 2) Consumption of alcoholic beverages impairs your ability to drive a car or operate machinery and can cause health problems.

There is no warning label on my Vodka bottle. Why? Is drinking beer more dangerous than drinking Vodka? My beer is less than 10 proof – my Vodka is 80 proof.

The cigarette that I am now smoking also has a warning label on each pack. The warnings vary from carton to carton. The current warning reads:

SURGEON GENERAL’S WARNING
Smoking Causes Lung Cancer, Heart Disease, Emphysema And May Complicate Pregnancy.

It is a known fact that both tobacco and alcohol contribute to heart disease. Yet I continue to put myself at risk even though I am aware of these facts and the statistics.

However what I don’t do is eat a Super-Sized Big Mac and Fries with a large Coke (not Pepsi). This food combination is known to clog the arteries and cause Heart Disease if consumed on a regular basis.

This now brings us to the Question of the Day:

Why isn’t there a Government or Surgeon General’s warning on the Big Mac and French fry containers that you get from McDonald’s or any other Fast Food Restaurant?

The Beach Bum