Sizing Things Up

One of the things that perplex me the most is the sizing of women’s clothing. Today a neighbor’s wife proudly said that she was down to a size 10. It sounded good to me, so I smiled and nodded in approval. Although I have no clue whatsoever as to what a size 10 is.

I recall that my wife was a size 5-7 Petite or sometimes a 4-6 Junior Miss. Also that my two former live-in lovers wore sizes 7 and 5 respectively. Why do I know this fact? They all had told me their sizes so that I could buy a present for them at either Christmas, their Birthdays or even just for the hell of it.

Buying a woman an article of clothing just for “the hell of it” is a very important thing for a man to do. Women tend to be more receptive to having sex after they have received a token of their male’s appreciation. Especially if this token is a gift of clothing. Clothes are better than flowers. Flowers wilt and die. Clothes can hang in a closet for an eternity.

Therefore, I do have a notion about the sizing of women’s clothing . The sizing numbers are there to confuse their husbands and boyfriends, especially the one’s that are fool enough to attempt the purchase a piece of apparel for their lover. However it is the thought that counts.

Unfortunately, the stupid male will usually purchase something that he likes and not what she likes. Plus it is usually the wrong size. This also gives his woman even greater pleasure. Not only is her lover an idiot, albeit a caring idiot, but he has now given her an excuse to go shopping.

Now she can go to the store where the gift was purchased and return the item for something that she really wanted and to also buy some other things which she desperately needed. The male gave her a valid excuse to do so and cannot complain when she returns home with her purchases. She is happy and they have great sex that night.

The great sex that he had the night after his purchase now lingers in the male’s mind. The male now associates any article of apparel that he had purchased for his woman with having good sex (is there bad sex for a male?). This provokes the male to make these purchases more often. This is why you do not see very many commercials for Women's Clothing on television.

After a while the male finally realizes that no matter what he purchases for her, it will be returned. At this point, size no longer matters and the more expensive and garish the attire the better. It will be going back to the store anyway and they will have great sex that night after she returns from her shopping spree.

This is probably why most males, like myself, do not care to understand the sizing of women’s clothing. We just smile and nod our heads.

The Beach Bum