Femmes Fatales

I read in the news today that a man from Strafford, Connecticut was brought to a hospital for a psychiatric evaluation “after he led authorities on a high-speed chase and then claimed to be Vice President Dick Cheney”.

This guy does not need a psychiatric evaluation. Anyone who would claim to be Dick Cheney, including Dick Cheney, is obliviously insane and should go directly to a mental ward.

“He later admitted he wasn't Cheney but said he was actually "Charlie's Angels" star Jaclyn Smith, police said that he also claimed to be the husband of Paris Hilton's sister.” Is this guy “Loony Tunes” or what? First he’s the Vice President and now he is in a lesbian relationship with Nikki Hilton.

I can see wanting to be Jaclyn Smith, she is still gorgeous for an older woman and has tons of bucks. But being married to Nikki Hilton is a scary thought. Not that she is unattractive, but for God’s sake; she is Paris Hilton’s sister. She is a member of the Hilton family. The entire Hilton family is a little out of kilter. I blame this all on Liz Taylor, whose first husband was Conrad "Nicky" Hilton.

Elizabeth Taylor has been married eight times to seven husbands, twice to the late actor Richard Burton. Obviously Burton was a glutton for punishment. She has destroyed the men in her life, sending some of them to an early grave. She also destroyed Montgomery Cliff, who became a homosexual. He never married Taylor, but just spending a lot of time with her tends to drive men crazy.

When I was young I never had a crush on Liz. My boyhood crush was on Marilyn Monroe. At age fourteen I went to see her in “Some Like it Hot” ten times in two weeks. I still have newspaper clippings from the day after she died in 1962. That's a big crush.

Marilyn was also a woman that drove men crazy. One of the greatest Baseball players ever, Joltin’ Joe DiMaggio, was never the same after being with Marilyn. When she died he went to pieces. “Where have you gone, Joe DiMaggio”? I’ve read that until his death in 1999 he would either place on, or send flowers to, Marilyn’s grave twice a week.

Then there was Clark Gable. I liked Clark; he, like John Wayne, always played those real he-man roles but still could show a more tender side. Women loved him and men admired him. Marilyn not only drove him crazy, she gave him a heart attack.

One of my favorite American Author’s (Playwright) Arthur Miller went crazy because of Marilyn. If you have ever seen or read “After the Fall” you’ll know what I am speaking about.

Last, but not least, was Marilyn’s relationship John F. Kennedy. His affair with her could have cost him re-election. Everyone loved Jackie Kennedy. He would have been doomed if the public found out about his relationship with Marilyn. Is this crazy or what?

Unfortunately he didn’t live to see the possibility of his re-election. I admired JFK. Years later when I found out about his relationship with Marilyn Monroe, I thought “way to go Johnny”.

I’m glad that I was too young to get involved with either Marilyn or Liz. I would probably be crazier than I am today. I might even be that guy in the psychiatric ward in Connecticut, or worst yet possibly dead.

The Beach Bum