I Wish I Was Cary Grant

I did a very unintelligent thing last night. Lately I’ve been doing and saying a lot of stupid things. Sometimes I lose my sense of level-headedness and do these irrational things.

I haven’t had any female companionship for nearly one year. But this is not by chance, but by choice. I am very particular about the women with whom I share my time. Unfortunately, most of the women that I desire, have no desire for me.

Last night I was watching late night television and saw a commercial for E Harmony.Com over and over again. They do this often on late night/early morning Cable Television. Being the horny idiot that I am, I went to their Website and spent 20 or more minutes filling out their compatibility survey. I answered all the questions honestly. They almost promise to find a match for everyone based on compatibility. At least, that’s what the PHD, who is their spokesperson, says on their television commercial.

After I filled out all of their questionnaires, they said that I had no compatibility with anyone in their database. Maybe if I had lied, I would have had a better chance making a match on E Harmony. I wonder how many people do lie. E Harmony is very proud of their success rate of getting couples together. This is what they say this on their Television Commercials and on their Website.

Perhaps it was the fact that I stated that I was unemployed and was looking for a woman that was successful and made lots of money that disqualified me. Or it could have been that I confessed that I am a heavy drinker and smoker.

My other requirement was that she was 45 years old or younger. I am over 60 years old and do not lie about my age to a woman. Most women still guess that I am in my early to mid fifties. Fifteen years a go I had a lot of success dating younger women; some were even younger than my daughter. But that was fifteen years ago. when I was still in my 40’s and appeared to be in my thirties.

In 1965, Cary Grant married Dyan Cannon, who was 33 years younger than Cary. I’ve always said that I wished that I were Cary Grant. In an interview, Cary Grant once said "We all wish we were Cary Grant. Sometimes I wish I was Cary Grant." Cary Grant was the quintessential Ladies man and I had always envied Cary's way with women. I wanted to be Cary Grant, or at least to be his on screen persona. To this day, I still wish that I was Cary Grant.

The comedian Buddy Hackett often said that for every man, there is a woman; after that he would ask the audience,” Which one of you guys has two of them?” These are my sentiments exactly!

The Beach Bum