Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Double Dipping


While sifting through my email today, I found a link to an interesting BBC on-line News article. The article was titled “Condom testers required by Durex”.

“The condom maker wants a panel of 5,000 people who are single, married, or in couples to report their experiences of using its condoms and lubricants. Men and women of all ages, ethnic groups or sexual orientation have been asked to apply on its website” Durex.Com.

When I was a teen, I used a condom mainly for the purpose of preventing an unwanted pregnancy; I had seen the movie “Splendor in the Grass”. Back then we didn’t call them condoms; we called them rubbers or prophylactics. These packages of prophylactics said “For Prevention of Disease Only”.

While giving me the “birds and the bees” lecture, at age 15, my Dad, who was a devout Catholic, strongly suggested that I use protection. The word protection carried the connotation of wearing a condom. Dad never could speak the words rubber or prophylactic, as it was against the Catholic Church’s policy to prevent an unwanted pregnancy.

I can remember buying my first pack of rubbers at a local drug store. At first, I was embarrassed to ask for them. I sat at the food counter in this drug store and ordered a soda while mustering up enough courage to walk up to the clerk and ask for them. My knees were shaking a little bit. “I would like a pack of ribbed Trojans” I said. The female clerk replied “3, 6 or 12”. I said “three for now". My face must have been as red as a beet. I made my purchase and exited the store very quickly.

I was sixteen years old and had been planning my first sexual encounter for months. Now I was ready, I had my protection. Unfortunately she wasn’t ready. Usually after some kissing and heavy petting, she would send me home sexually frustrated. I went through this for about 3 months before I was able to use one of those three rubbers; I only hoped that they hadn’t gone bad or had a hole in them. In the old days they were sheepskin not latex.

I don’t enjoy using condoms, I prefer riding, as they say, bareback. It feels much better to me. I’m not sure if it feels any different to a woman when a man is wearing a condom; I have never asked. But it does feel different to me. No matter how lubricated they are, condoms do not give me the same feeling as the real thing. The final result is the same, but the process is not as pleasurable. I guess that I have been lucky as I have never contracted a venereal disease.

Being a condom tester would be the perfect job for me. It would even be better if the condom manufacturer also provided a subject to perform these test with; preferably in her late teens or early twenties. At the same time I could moonlight, as Al Capp’s Li’l Abner did, as a mattress tester. It would be two great jobs in one.

The Beach Bum

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8 Comments:

Anonymous donna said...

A friend recently sent me an EMAIL that linked to your BLOG.
You are a SEXIST and MISOGYNIST and an abomination to all women. You embody all the things that women hate in men.
I will not be back and I will certainly not tell by friends to visit your BLOG.

Sat Apr 07, 12:23:00 AM  
Anonymous Richard Feder, Ft Lee said...

Hey Donna -

A friend of mine also read this particular blog, and then your comment. And the question was asked of me: "Do you think this Donna is the same Donna that used to run around with Squirrel Williams?". The more I thought about it, the more it seemed plausible. Are you the same Donna?

But more to the point: The Beach Bum strikes me more as being more of a Massagynist rather than a Misogynist. And so far as being a sexist is concerned, I would suspect he tends to put women on a pedestal . . . and help them climb down if they so desire.

Sun Apr 08, 06:50:00 AM  
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