Bad for Baseball

I’ve been reading a lot about what Suze Orman said on the Oprah Winfrey show the other night. I rarely watch talk shows or television news programming, especially the ones with political agendas.

Plus I do not particularly like Suze Orman although I have never seen her program. But the mere mention of her name makes me quiver.

There are many reasons why I should like Suze. We were both born in hospitals on Chicago’s southwest side. I was born at Saint Anthony’s Hospital and she was probably born at Mount Sinai Hospital about 3 blocks north. We share the same Birthday (I’m a few years older/OK a several years older). Her nickname Suze (Susan) is the same nickname that I gave my sister (Suzanne) many years ago. She is an economic liberal (same as me). She can be pompous at times in her writings (I’ve read two of her books – both given to me as gifts). I’m told that I am a very pompous person. And she is a Lesbian; I like lesbians, in particular, if I get to watch.

So why do I dislike Ms. Orman?

It’s my wife’s fault. She lives in Maryland and I live in Florida (some of my friends have called it the ideal marriage). But it never fails that when I am watching a baseball game or something important like that, she calls to tell me to tune into the Suze Orman Show. If I don’t do it immediately she gets nasty and I have to listen to a 10 minute lecture. If I pretend to change the channel, I get a 10 minute recap of what I missed earlier. After I say “OK, I can’t hear the program, I have to go/talk to you later” about 5 times, I finally hang up.

Suze Orman is bad for Baseball!

The Beach Bum

Baby, One More Time

I received an email today directing me to the following Web Site:
Death Watch
This site is offering a prize to the person that correctly predicts the date and approximate time that Britney Spears will take her last breathes. My first reaction was – man, there are some really sick people out there. More than 1200 of them have made predictions and added comments to their predictions.

The friend that sent the email to me is not a Britney Spears fan (nor am I). We both agree that she has little talent and has become a spoiled rich kid. Five or six years ago my friend said that he wouldn’t even stick my penis in her vagina – or something to that effect. I said that “I would”, without thinking of the possible consequences.

Britney is what I deem to be a “nut case”.

I had a bad experience with a “nut case ” woman in the 1990’s.

She was young, very young (barely legal - I am six years older than her father), beautiful, intelligent and loved having sex. Possibly the perfect woman, unfortunately she was a “nut case”.

I should have known this from the onset of our relationship. She was the one that initiated our relationship, not me. I was flattered and enamored, plus the sex was great. Therefore I never heeded the warning signs. I let the “little head” do all the thinking for me. Did I mention the fact that she loved having sex.

Our affair lasted for five months. I reluctantly broke off our relationship because of her erratic (not erotic) behavior. One of my female roommates called her “The Psycho Bitch from Hell.” She was right. I should have known better. Any young woman that would chase after me, must be a little off center.

Back to Britney!

She really looks terrible in her latest photos. Like a grunge rock singer in a Death Metal band. She looks so bad that I wouldn’t put my friend’s penis in her vagina, let alone mine. And I am a horny old man.

I didn’t place a prediction on the site, but I believe that Britney will be in a better place within the next year. Whether she is living or not.

I wonder when someone will put up a Paris Hilton “Death Watch” site. I've seen "One night in Paris" and have decided that she is also a "nut case".

The Beach Bum

I Read the News Today, Oh Boy.

I usually spend several hours a day reading the on-line editions of the Chicago Tribune, the Washington Post and the Saint Petersburg Times. This is a late breaking story that appears on the Web Edition of today’s Chicago Tribune:
“Prosecutors are seeking to have R. Kelly arrested after he failed to show for a hearing today in his criminal court case after his tour bus was delayed.”

Strange as it may seem, I know who R. Kelly is. My son introduced me to his music last year while he was living with me on Treasure Island.

But this was not the biggest story in today’s Tribune Entertainment section. The hottest story of the day was that Britney Spears' 16 year old sister, Jamie Lynn, is pregnant.

“It was a shock for both of us (boyfriend, Casey), so unexpected," she said. Spears is 12 weeks along and initially kept the news to herself, she told the celebrity magazine, which hits stands in New York on Wednesday and the rest of the country by Friday.

The younger Spears also stated "I definitely don't think it's something you should do; it's better to wait," …. "But I can't be judgmental because it's a position I put myself in."

Their mom says that she cannot believe this happened because Jamie always respected her nighttime curfew. I guess that mom doesn't believe that teenagers would possibly have sex in the morning or afternoon. Before turning 18 years old, I never had sex after 7 PM. I didn't want to break curfew!

Finally we have found someone that makes less sense than Britney. There must be one hell of a bad gene pool in the Spears family. Some men will argue that good looks and no brains equals the perfect lover. Actually I prefer women with brains, but good looks and a shapely body are a bonus.

Jamie Lynn must not have been paying attention during her Sex Education courses in school. It’s very simple, if you want to have a sexual relationship (and which teen doesn’t) you must protect yourself against an unwanted pregnancy. If she wasn’t on the pill, and I assume that she wasn’t, she should have insisted that her boyfriend Casey Aldridge wear a condom while he was knocking bottom.

I don’t enjoy wearing condoms; therefore I had a vasectomy in 1984 to prevent an unwanted pregnancy. At that time, I was having wild sex, with a woman in her prime childbearing years, on a regular basis. She had told me that she did not want children and that she was on the pill. Not that I didn’t believe her, but I didn’t want to take any chances.

(A note to both Britney and Jamie – there is only one way that you can become pregnant) (Also I'm safe)

Also in the Chicago Tribune Entertainment news, and this is a big one; “NBC chose Michael Douglas as the announcer to introduce Brian Williams on the "Nightly News" each night. This is great news and I am sure thousands of Michael's fans will be tuning in to NBC tonight to hear his voice over.

As for all three of the above stories (news items); who the hell cares!


The Beach Bum

Celebrity

Last Saturday night we watch the movie Asteroid on the Si-Fi Channel between 700 and 1100. It was originally a 1997 two part made for television movie, that I had fortunately missed. The acting was mediocre but the writing, editing and directing was much worse. Plus the concept of the movie was scientifically implausible.

So why did I sit there watching this movie for four hours (one and a quarter of which were commercials)? I watched it for a very simple inane reason. Uncle John (my brother-in-law) appeared in three scenes of the movie as an extra. The film was shot in the Denver area and John had nothing better to do at the time. In addition to getting free food on the set he was paid $60 per day to just stand around and hobnob with some of the actors in the movie.

Uncle John takes pleasure in associating with celebrities. He always has. He is what people refer to as a Groupie. He seeks them out so that he can have future bragging rights. He spent a lot of time on his cell phone Saturday night calling people to alert them of his appearance in the movie; which amounted to less than 10 seconds of screen time. (“Remember that picture of me and so and so the actor; well it was taken right after this scene.)

As a general rule I don’t appreciate people talking though a movie that I hadn’t seen. But as this movie was so bad, I didn’t really mind John’s constant jabbering about the actors and the movie (“he was a real nice guy”, “this scene was shot 4 miles from my house”, “they gave us the same food that the actors ate that night” etc. etc.).

In my lifetime I have met (and had conversations with) many individuals that have been considered to be famous people. It’s really no big deal; for me it’s just a memory. I rarely crow or brag about meeting them. Most of them are just people like you and me; only they tend to be wealthier or more prominent in the public eye.


In my eyes the most impressive of the famous people that I have met; was an Admiral (not my cousin “The Admiral” although he is also an impressive person) who I met in the early 1970’s. This Admiral was one of the first WWII Navy flying aces and was feature in a book authored by John Gunther. His wife was a former Miss America. I would stand, spellbound, for hours listening to his stories and his opinions on current affairs. At that time he was the Director of the National Security Agency. I thought that he would eventually become the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. He didn’t make it to that position because he was apolitical.

He is one of the few celebrities that I will boast about meeting.

The Beach Bum